Now this was going to be one of those weekend-changing moments!

Standing by one of the fields at the Soccer Park on a recent Sunday morning, I watched as a young boy raced towards the goal with the ball in front of him. Breakaway! Everyone was cheering, you could see his pace quicken as he touched the ball once, then twice, setting the ball up perfectly for the game-winner, the mobbing from his teammates, the high five from dad, the hug from mom, the post-game ice cream – the whole shebang!

He pulled back and then…he flubbed it. The ball hit a divot, a bug, the turf monster flicked it; something happened and he just missed it. The ball dribbled harmlessly, slowly, off to the left and over the end line. A compassionate groan rose up from the crowd, all of us feeling badly for the kid. His hands went immediately to his head and he slumped over in that familiar “how did that just happen” moment. A teammate came over and gave him a pat on the back. And then it happened.

“Aw, come ON (boy), you gotta FINISH that,” coach said from the sideline, piercing the silence with a ridiculously misplaced scream (and I do mean scream) of anguish.

“Thank you Captain Obvious,” I thought to myself! I can only imagine what opinion of the coach the boy had in his mind at that moment. I’ll never know for sure, because unlike the man on the sideline, the boy just rolled with it and moved to defend the upcoming goal kick. I know I can’t print what I’d be thinking.

I didn’t have an opportunity to speak to the coach after the game, and didn’t really want to. But if I did run into him, I might have asked him, “what benefit could have possibly come out of that statement, out of that reaction?” Aside from embarrassing and belittling this boy, and making him feel stupid in front of his teammates, his opponents, his parents, and everyone else watching the game, I can’t think of a single thing it accomplished.

Despite what all we adults think, our kids are not idiots. This boy clearly knew the rules of the game. He understood that the object of the game is to score goals for his team. Clearly, his intention was not to miss the shot. I mean, there was probably ice cream in it for him after all. But these are the instances when a coach really needs to be a coach, and more importantly, to be a coach for his players.

I probably don’t have to tell most of you that the right play here would have been some clapping from the coach followed by a, “that’s okay, we’ll get the next one,” or “forget about that, let’s get the ball back here.” Then, the next time the player comes off, give him an observation about why it happened and how to avoid it in the future. “It looked like you got a little ahead of yourself there. Next time try to stay composed, keep your shoulders over the ball and drive through it.”

The point here is that coaches shouldn’t be reactionary like a fan, or posturing like some sort of amateur Lombardi or Parcells on the sideline. Most coaches don’t even realize the impact their words and reactions have on young players. More than anything you need to be a cheerleader, an instructor, and a teacher. Teams tend to take on the personality of their leader. If you are composed, they will be composed. If you are smart, they will follow suit.

That is why, like the title of this story says, as a coach you need to think before you react or speak, and if you are going to say something, say SOMETHING. What I mean is, be sure that what you are saying is constructive, instructional, or will just simply help the kid play better, in the short term or the long term. By doing that, the athletic experience becomes more than just weekend-changing. It can become life-changing.

 

By Ken Ilchuk

“Boom It!”

I heard a coach say it. This was a couple weeks ago, on one of the many fields I was visiting, taking pictures for the Petro Club Weeks Photo Gallery on LIJSoccer.com. This coach was imploring his defender to get the ball out of their defensive end, and quickly. There wasn’t any real offensive pressure. It was just one of those reactionary things – I don’t care how you do it, just get it out of our end.

This was a U12 girls travel game, and at first I thought, well, maybe the coach is trying to keep pressure off a backup goalie, or maybe this defender is a weaker sub on the team and is just looking to build some confidence in the girl. But the longer I stood there watching the game, the clearer it became that this team just didn’t have much in the way of soccer skills, and unfortunately it didn’t seem that they had spent much time with their coach on any sort of skill development. The game plan was pretty much kick and run; get the ball downfield and take a shot…any shot, and I didn’t hear anything in the way of promoting ball control.

Those girls should have been at the fields in Bay Shore this past weekend. I was actually there to watch my nephew play. He’s four years old, and while my own kids did it, in hindsight I still wonder whether 4-year olds need to be playing organized anything. But what I saw at the fields was a real pleasant surprise. In about an hour’s time, only about 15 minutes were spent on “game” play. The first portion of the session focused on skills – dribbling, passing, receiving, shooting. There were a couple relays mixed in, and some basic warm up type drills. The kids had a great time, they learned a little something, and my nephew dribbled the ball all the way through the parking lot and back to the car, a skill I didn’t see much of on the field a few weeks earlier with the U12 girls.

I know the hope among most soccer professionals at the higher levels is that more of this type of training will be taking place.

“Ball drills are really critical to player development,” LIJSL Select PDP Director of Coaching Ronan Wiseman has told me. “If we can improve players’ comfort level with the ball that will give them the strong foundation of soccer skills they’ll need if they hope to play at the higher levels when they get older. Seeing who won the U10 game that week is not as important as seeing who is working on developing skills in game situations. Those are the kids you’ll see still playing a few years down the road.”

Of course, Ronan is right. But some will argue that maybe there are U12 players who didn’t get that kind of early skill development? My answer is that skill development doesn’t need to stop at U5, U6, or U7. Skills are an “all the time” thing. Tom Howard, a legendary high school football coach and athletic director here on Long Island for years, was a big proponent of continuous skill development.

“When I was coaching, I didn’t care if we were coming off an undefeated championship season, we always went back and started with the most basic skills on day one of camp,” he explained. “We went over how to get in a proper stance, footwork, basic blocking and tackling drills, and all those things that are at the core of the game. Good fundamentals are the foundation of any good player or team.”

So the message for coaches and players is keep working on those skills! Incorporate them into your practices, spend 15 minutes a day working on them on your own, and don’t be afraid to use them in a game, regardless of the consequences. If you can do that, the next “boom” you hear on the field could be the sound of your game taking off to the next level.
 

By Pat Grecco

What should I look for in a college? How do I get my name out there to be recruited? When am I allowed to talk to coaches? What the heck is an NLI? The college recruiting landscape can create a sea of questions for often overwhelmed high school athletes, especially if the family is going through the process for the first time. But here are answers to some questions that can help get you started.

What are the first steps in the college athletic recruitment process?:
Research colleges and universities that have your intended major; also consider your level of competition and lastly demographics, (distance from home, size of the school, campus climate and social atmosphere)

How can I obtain an Athletic Scholarship?:
Most important, be a good student first and play or compete at the higher level, begin networking with college coaches in freshman year, hopefully you will be identified as a "Talented Sophomore."

Should I ask my high school coach for a recommendation?:
Yes, this is always a good plan; also ask your club coach and trainer.

Should I invest in a video? Will it improve my chances of being recruited?
A video is very important in team sports, such as soccer. If you play on a team that goes to lots of tournaments and college showcases you may not need a video but it can always help you get identified by college coaches.

Will a video increase your chances of being recruited, I would say yes, it will get the interest of the college coach to learn more about you and perhaps come and watch you play up close and personal.

How many schools should I choose?
Initially write to about 30 schools, all with your desired major, demographics, then narrow down your selections to approximately six to eight that you will apply to. Among those 30 have a reach school, lots of safety schools and financially affordable schools.

Will I get to meet college coaches when they watch me play or compete or will they only contact me if they are interested?
College coaches are really not allowed to speak with you face to face during competitions. Usually they will only contact YOU if they are interested BUT YOU can visit them at their school, call them on the phone or email them.

Is the National Letter of Intent a legally binding agreement? What happens if I change my mind after I sign?
Yes, NLI is legally binding though if you change your mind for reason of hardship it might be negated.
 

By Ken Ilchuk

Last week in this space I wrote about US Soccer’s recent decision to not allow their players in the boys’ academy programs to play high school soccer. In my opinion, this is an unfortunate position for the organization to take and deprives young athletes of some of the social and emotional benefits that athletics is supposed to provide. But hidden in this latest development is the fact that these boys will not only be banned from school soccer, but will be forbidden to participate in ANY other sports, school or otherwise.

US Soccer’s recent ruling is one that demands a move towards specialization in athletes; a soccer-specific single-mindedness that just exacerbates the issues I talked about last week. In my mind, the problems here are exposure and burnout.

I speak from experience on this one. As a year-round swimmer who competed at a fairly high level from the age of ten until my graduation from college, I remember I couldn’t wait for the end of my final college meet. I then spent the next 10 years avoiding the pool…ANY pool. The only swimming I did was a little open water (no pool!) swimming as part of my triathlon training. I joined a softball team, started playing pickup basketball, joined a beach volleyball league, and even played for a bit in a men’s lacrosse league…ANYTHING but swimming. The point is, more is not always better, and physically and emotionally it’s very difficult to maintain a high level of training and performance continuously for 12 months. There need to be natural breaks from these activities. These breaks are critical and necessary. Not only does it help rejuvenate tired muscles, but it breaks the monotony of training, creates a change of scenery, and the mental break actually creates an outlook of looking forward to a new start. The kids actually start to miss it and come back to their activity with a renewed energy and excitement. Allowing young athletes to experience other sports can create those natural breaks, and the exposure actually helps athletes find what they really love to do, and maybe even reinforce their love for their “main” sport.

There’s also a physical aspect to this argument. Different sports require the use of varying muscle groups and develop a host of different skill sets, from agility, balance, and quickness, to speed, strength, and coordination. Exposing young athletes to different sports improves overall athleticism and helps ensure proper muscle development throughout the entire body.

“The benefit to playing multiple sports is that kids are able to develop more in the way of global athleticism,” says personal trainer Mike Mejia, who is a contributor to LIJSoccer.com and a consultant to US Swimming and others. “When kids specialize too early (say before the age of 16), they aren't allowed to capitalize on what are known as ‘sensitive periods’ where certain bio-motor abilities such as balance, coordination, and spatial awareness are best developed. As a result, they put themselves at a physical disadvantage by essentially stunting their athletic growth. Despite the fact that they may be quite proficient in a given sport, they leave themselves far more prone to overuse type injuries and often lack the physical skills necessary to take their game to the next level.”

“When a young athlete plays one sport year-round they repeatedly use the same muscles and joints,” adds Dan Anderson, staff physical therapist at Body in Balance Physical Therapy in Hauppauge. “This prevents adequate time for recovery, imposes substantial stressors on their still developing bodies and increases their risk of overuse injuries.”

That’s not to say these arguments are true for everyone. I know a girl who at nine years of age knew she loved soccer, and that’s all she wanted to do. She played on as many teams as she could and joined an academy program at a fairly young age. She’s still playing at a high level, and she still loves it, and that’s great. But unfortunately, my experience has been that she’s the exception. The decision to focus on soccer came from her. Too often that decision is driven by overambitious coaches and parents who are focused on developing “elite” talent (no one’s really elite at 10 years old), or “working hard” to get better (sports was never intended to be work), or “getting a scholarship” to a big time college program (the truth is there are 100x more academic scholarships than athletic ones – that’s another blog entry).

In the end, it’s supposed to be fun. If it isn’t fun, the kids won’t love it. If they don’t love it, all the high level, sport-specific training in the world won’t make them any better.

 

By Randy Vogt for Soccer America

If a tree falls in the forest and your favorite newspaper does not cover it, does it make a sound? That was the question facing American soccer fans in a previous era as many were perplexed why some media outlets did not give soccer as much publicity as its popularity warranted. So soccer fans were encouraged to phone sports editors demanding more and better coverage.

Fast forward to today and it’s somewhat of a moot point because if your newspaper does not cover soccer, you can still find plenty of coverage on the World Wide Web. The number of newspapers and magazines have decreased while Internet use has increased exponentially. As one example, Soccer America started as a newspaper in 1971 and eventually became a color magazine. Although four magazine issues are published every year, most subscribers know Soccer America today because of its e-letters, such as the one you are reading right now.

Soccer fans can find all sorts of interesting information on their favorite teams on the Internet. Some referees, too, have culled info, but also to help prepare for a game while other refs do not research teams at all. In preparing this article, Soccer America’s Mike Woitalla commented to me, “I've been stunned by referees saying they don't want background on teams or players they’re going to referee. Imagine hearing in any other profession someone advocating ignorance before going on the job.”

Taking Mike’s comment a step further, imagine a surgeon not wanting to know about the patient before the operation or the pilot not wanting to have a background on the plane or the airport where the plane will be landing. The question is which type of information the referees should be searching for and how they should use it.

Refs can find all sorts of info on professional teams as well as Division 1 college teams such as who the team’s top goalscorers are, how many fouls have been committed and suffered, who is in danger of getting suspended for another yellow card, etc. As you move on to Division 2 and 3 college teams, the info tends to become more limited. Some of these colleges simply have the team’s photo, roster (no bios of players), coach’s bio and schedule so it is challenging for the ref to find any useful info for officiating the match from these sites.

If high school teams have websites, they generally have little or no info that would be helpful to referees. Some senior teams have websites and some do not.

I hope that we have not “advanced” to the point that websites of youth soccer teams have as many stats as pro and Division 1 college teams. It would be best that youth soccer websites just simply have fun info, some photos and a nice message from the coach. Yet some people take youth soccer way too seriously and one unfortunate consequence of this is many refs quickly realize officiating is not for them with verbal abuse by kids’ parents being the No. 1 reason for quitting. Understand that this verbal abuse leads to the referees remaining often being overworked on weekends.

Regarding teams with much info on their websites, I have seen referees use the info in different ways. A very small number of refs memorize the player’s first name with their number and speak to the player by name during the game, believing the player becomes very impressed that the ref took the time to learn the players’ names before the game. That seems like an awful amount of work to me for limited results.

I have seen another ref, after he researched the college teams, become very intimidated knowing exactly the implications of an important regular season game. That ref officiated the game as if he did not want to make any important decisions that would affect the result, which of course is a very bad strategy, because if a goal has to be disallowed, a player needs to be sent off, or a penalty kick needs to be whistled, the ref should always make those calls regardless of the implications.

Probably a better way of researching teams rather than relying on the Internet is to speak to an official who had the same team previously that season. Better yet is to get a tape of a previous game and watch it.

But however refs research a team -- whether it’s through the Internet, by speaking to colleagues, or watching tapes of games -- they are not to pre-judge a player or coach before a game. This is probably why some refs do not want any info on teams as it’s rather challenging to cull info but not to pre-judge.

So if No. 8 red has committed the most fouls in the league, the officials are aware of this but not concentrating on No. 8 red during the game. If the ref has heard that this coach is a referee-baiter or that player dissents way too much, they do not pre-judge but certainly control any situation that might develop and treat everybody equally.

I’ve learned through the years that the teams sometimes provide a clue as to who the problem players are anyway. For the player who often dissents, as soon as that player dissents, it’s often his/her teammates who tell the problem player to calm down before the ref has a chance to do so. For the player who’s too physical, the teammates yell at that player after he/she commits a bad foul. Perhaps the team has already played down a player because of this and they are trying to police their teammate so it does not happen again. Research is great but the teams can give subtle hints as well and sometimes will even police their teammates.

(Randy Vogt has officiated over 8,000 games during the past three decades, from professional matches in front of thousands to six-year-olds being cheered on by very enthusiastic parents. In Preventive Officiating, he shares his wisdom gleaned from thousands of games and hundreds of clinics to help referees not only survive, but thrive on the soccer field. You can visit the book’s website at www.preventiveofficiating.com/)

By Ken Ilchuk

US Soccer recently announced that players in their academy programs WILL NOT be permitted to play high school soccer moving forward. As a result, the soccer community has erupted into a bit of an uproar – elitists looking to build a European-like program of player development versus traditionalists seeking to preserve one of the long-standing bastions of pure sport for the sake of sport.

I come at this argument from a slightly different perspective. I’m no soccer aficionado, though I am a parent who has had children compete at a high level in both soccer and lacrosse. I have also been a high school swim coach for the past 15 years, coached at the college level for a year, and worked in professional sports for the better part of two decades. I have seen elite athletes train, prepare, and compete at the highest level. I have been the recruiter, and I have been a representative of many recruitees. None of that makes me an expert, but it does help me form an opinion on the matter.

Proponents will tell you this is all about being elite, being the best you can be. Make no mistake, for past generations of athletes success was the ultimate goal, but it came in the form of championships, in the context of “team.” Athletes didn’t necessarily work for scholarships, or to be the one kid who qualified for some type of "elite" program. They worked hard to make themselves better, so that the team (which usually included several of their friends) could have success. It was about building team success and working together.

That’s where this gets a little tricky, because essentially that’s what US Soccer is trying to do. They are trying to build a team, build a national program with the best players. But their process may be a little off line. This is the first time a national organization has mandated this type of loyalty and completely eschewed the high school game. While I understand the benefit, and maybe even the need for a single set of guidelines, a best practices for training, preparation, and style of play that coincides with the goals of the national team, eliminating a whole segment of the soccer community doesn’t seem to me to be the answer.

Rather than making the game exclusive at the highest levels, why not include everyone? Instead of forbidding players to play for what US Soccer clearly deems inferior coaching, why not coach the coaches? Most of these high school coaches are educators, teachers by day. They can read and learn! Why not require high school coaches to complete a certain level of sport-specific training, from the sport’s national organization, in order to coach at the varsity level? These coaches already have to go through a certification process that includes first aid and CPR, as well as courses in coaching philosophy and general coaching concepts (how to run a team, dealing with parents, building team, motivation, etc). I know most coaches at the high school level would welcome a book of ideas and concepts that they can use as a foundation of their program, and a feeling of being part of a bigger national program will motivate them to do a better job.

My argument here is based in one simple observation I’ve made in my time in and around sports. That is the best players love to play…at every level. That’s part of the reason they are so good. They just love to play, and it doesn’t really matter where they play or with whom they play. Ronan Wiseman, the director of our LIJSL Select PDP Program, once told me that the reason kids in other parts of the world are so good is that they love to play, and they play all the time. It’s fun. From a very young age, kids just go out and play in the street with whoever happens to be out there at the time – older kids, younger kids, it doesn’t matter.

Of course, there are always talent evaluators in those streets out there plucking the best players for academy teams, and some kids are placed at a very young age. But as Paul Gardner wrote recently in Soccer America, of the multitudes of players in foreign countries who are brought into academy play and deemed a promising player, only 1% make it through youth coaching systems all the way to national team starter status. That’s a seriously troubling number that is representative of a churn and burn mentality.

That’s where I really agree with Gardner. Maybe this whole thing has become too serious. Sports were meant to be fun, and high school sports are fun. The team concept is fun. Playing with and in front of your peers is fun. Getting your name in the school paper is fun, even for a kid who plays at the “highest” level. Wearing your jersey to school on Friday is fun. The victory party on Saturday night is fun. The level of play is not nearly as high, this is true. But a national training program offers little to none of the social aspects that are a significant part of the benefit of playing sports in the first place. These things are added value for an elite player, and may just be the piece of the puzzle that keeps a kid in the game rather than burning out.

The first steps have already been taken. Elite leagues at the local and regional level have already moved their main season of play to the spring to allow the older players to play school ball in the fall. On a secondary level, maybe this could become an evaluation period for national team coaches. In the process of following up on the progress of players already in the program, they might actually find additional players. Just ask baseball scouts. Talent is everywhere! They found Willie Mays on a sandlot. Babe Ruth got noticed while playing with a team of friends from his orphanage! Surely there are a couple players to be found on high school fields in the fall who could become part of a national program in the spring.

Including high school soccer in the national program will keep the “fun” in the game, which will keep more kids playing, and keep more kids (including those elite players) playing more. Having elite level players and well-trained coaches on our high school fields will improve the level of play of those around them, and eventually generate a greater pool of potential players for our national program, and that can only be good for the game of soccer.

By Mike Woitalla for SoccerAmerica.com 

"What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?"

That was the question posed to college athletes in a survey by Proactive Coaching. The overwhelming response was: "The ride home from games with my parents."

Children, not surprisingly, don’t enjoy a critique of their performance when they settle into the backseat. Who, no matter what age, would?

Imagine a rough day at the office -- an office that resembles a typical youth soccer game. Your boss screams instructions while you work and lectures you before and after. Then you ride home with your parents. They’ve witnessed your mistakes. So they offer you advice.

No matter how well-intentioned, their advice will likely register as admonishment. And they’re denying your desire – your right -- to wind down and contemplate your feelings on your own terms.

If a parent actually did have some advice for a young player that might help the child, after the game -- when the kids are physically and emotionally spent – is certainly not the time.

In that same survey, the athletes were asked what words from their parents they remembered most fondly. The by far most common response was, "I love to watch you play." 

By Randy Vogt

With 1,674 premier and travel teams––848 boys squads and 826 girls teams––the Long Island Junior Soccer League (LIJSL) is the largest soccer league in the Eastern New York Youth Soccer Association (ENYYSA) as well as being one of the largest soccer leagues in the world. LIJSL teams kicked off the Spring Season throughout Suffolk, Nassau and parts of Queens with the Long Island Cup, State Open Cup and Arch Capital Group Challenge Cup on St. Patrick’s Day––Saturday, March 17. There will be approximately 12,500 games involving LIJSL teams this spring.

While it’s nice to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, it was also the day to wear referee uniforms for the members of the Long Island Soccer Referees Association (LISRA), proudly serving both the LIJSL and ENYYSA since its inception in 1971. With all those games to officiate, LISRA’s numbers are very impressive as well. There are 1,147 total officials registered with LISRA, with 621 officials serving solely as assistant referees. LISRA was very busy with certification classes over the winter and there are 209 new assistant referees being assigned games this spring.

All this enthusiasm for officiating soccer has resulted in all games in ENYYSA from Under-13 on up being assigned to three officials––one referee and two assistant referees. The great majority of these assistants are teenagers who will learn from the experienced men and women in the middle and hopefully move on to become referees when they have a little more experience.

“I’m delighted that we have started the Spring Season with a full contingent of returning refs and ARs,” commented LISRA President Cathy Caldwell. “In addition, we have educated almost 70 new referees and over 200 new assistant referees enthusiastic to begin their officiating careers with LISRA.”

A 2012 LIJSL Hall of Fame inductee, Randy has officiated over 8,000 games in his career and is the author of Preventive Officiating, one of the top selling books on Amazon.com over the last two years. To get Randy’s tips on officiating, or to purchase the book click here.

By Pat Grecco
LIJSL Director of College Bound Programs

I have traveled as far south as Clarkston, Georgia, north to Buffalo, and even to the National Soccer Hall of Fame in Oneonta, New York to host workshops for college bound players. It all started in 1990 when John Morris, then the President of the Sound Beach Soccer Club, invited me to host my first workshop in 1990. Soon after, Albertson Academy asked me to do a workshop at the home of a parent who happened to have a full size gymnasium in his house! I’ve been a two-time guest at the Mad Dog Tournament in Saratoga, NY, and for many years led the Massapequa Invitational Tournament College Workshop. Last year I even held a workshop out on a field at Peter C. Collins Soccer Park in Plainview for over 250 players and parents with the LIJSL Select PDP program!

Why do I tell you this? It’s to drive home the point that these workshops and forums come in all shapes, sizes, and venues. But what is most important is the information that you get there! The information gathering process is critical for any athlete who hopes to continue his or her career at the collegiate level.

The largest groups I’ve hosted are always at the Long Island Junior Soccer League's annual convention, approximately 300 or more student-athletes and their parents. For the past three years we presented part of the program in Spanish due to the large Hispanic population of soccer players in the New York region, just to make sure we could get the critical information to as many of our players as possible.

I like to make sure each student-athlete is given an info packet containing the NCAA Guide for College Bound Players and various articles that range in topic from “How to's of Contacting College Coaches”, “Parents’ Role in the College Search”, and “Transferring Issues; How Competitive Club Coaches Help their Players Grow”, to “How Videos Can Help you be Recruited.”

While all of that information is certainly helpful, it has been my experience that student-athletes like to get personal accounts of the process from different perspectives. That is why I like to put together a panel of seven to eight presenters when I can. The group usually consists of college coaches from Division I, Division II, Division III, NJCAA schools, junior college two-year programs, and community colleges, former players, a club coach, an educator/teacher and me. I'm the MC and represent the parents in the process. Having gone through it personally with my own children, I understand the worries, frustrations, and concerns of the parent.

This wide ranging group gives each student-athlete a full 360-degree view of the recruiting process and a better understanding of the details that go into finding the right situation for you. We cover topics such as:

* How to file for NCAA Eligibility
* What is it like to play on a college team?
* Athletic/Academic success in college
* Show me the $money$ - All about athletic-academic and financial aid packages
* What is a Coach looking for in a future player?
* Am I a Division I player?
* Nuts and bolts - When, where, how to begin the college search
* Which colleges and universities should I look at?
* College Search, the Parents' Role

A Question & Answer session normally follows, and within about 60 minutes, student-athletes have all the ammunition they need to go out and begin their search. The Long Island Junior Soccer League supports these workshops financially and offers their support to their 100 member clubs throughout Long Island and the New York City region.

Soccer Olé
One of my future goals is to have an all Spanish-language College Bound Player Workshop, called "Operation Olé!" It’s been a challenge to get it organized, but with a little help from my friends in soccer, we will get this up and running. In the past I have given two Hispanic workshops. One was at the LIJSL Convention, but attendance was down as we found that student-athletes and their parents sometimes had transportation challenges, so after that I traveled to them and did a work shop at a church in Southampton. Attendance instantly improved.

The Message
My message and mantra has three main points, and they really are focused on being the best student you can be, and finding the school that provides the right fit for YOU:
* There is a college/university for everyone to play and study.
* Better grades get more attention from College Coaches”
* Select the schools that will provide the best academic opportunities.

Workshops are a tremendous information-gathering opportunity for players, parents and coaches, made available to you through the generosity and kindness of the Long Island Junior Soccer League. If you would like to set up a workshop with your club, please feel free to contact me at soccervol@aol.com. 

 

By Steve Henson for Yahoo! Sports

Hundreds of college athletes were asked to think back: "What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?"

Their overwhelming response: "The ride home from games with my parents."

The informal survey lasted three decades, initiated by two former longtime coaches who over time became staunch advocates for the player, for the adolescent, for the child. Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC are devoted to helping adults avoid becoming a nightmare sports parent, speaking at colleges, high schools and youth leagues to more than a million athletes, coaches and parents in the last 12 years.

Those same college athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great, that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame.

Their overwhelming response: "I love to watch you play."

There it is, from the mouths of babes who grew up to become college and professional athletes. Whether your child is just beginning T-ball or is a travel-team soccer all-star or survived the cuts for the high school varsity, parents take heed.

The vast majority of dads and moms that make rides home from games miserable for their children do so inadvertently. They aren't stereotypical horrendous sports parents, the ones who scream at referees, loudly second-guess coaches or berate their children. They are well-intentioned folks who can't help but initiate conversation about the contest before the sweat has dried on their child's uniform.

In the moments after a game, win or lose, kids desire distance. They make a rapid transition from athlete back to child. And they’d prefer if parents transitioned from spectator – or in many instances from coach – back to mom and dad. ASAP.

Brown, a high school and youth coach near Seattle for more than 30 years, says his research shows young athletes especially enjoy having their grandparents watch them perform.
"Overall, grandparents are more content than parents to simply enjoy watching the child participate," he says. "Kids recognize that."

A grandparent is more likely to offer a smile and a hug, say "I love watching you play," and leave it at that.

Meanwhile a parent might blurt out …

“Why did you swing at that high pitch when we talked about laying off it?"
"Stay focused even when you are on the bench.”

"You didn’t hustle back to your position on defense.”

"You would have won if the ref would have called that obvious foul.”

"Your coach didn't have the best team on the field when it mattered most.”

And on and on.

Sure, an element of truth might be evident in the remarks. But the young athlete doesn’t want to hear it immediately after the game. Not from a parent. Comments that undermine teammates, the coach or even officials run counter to everything the young player is taught. And instructional feedback was likely already mentioned by the coach.

"Let your child bring the game to you if they want to,” Brown says.

Brown and Miller, a longtime coach and college administrator, don't consider themselves experts, but instead use their platform to convey to parents what three generations of young athletes have told them.

"Everything we teach came from me asking players questions," Brown says. "When you have a trusting relationship with kids, you get honest answers. When you listen to young people speak from their heart, they offer a perspective that really resonates.”

So what’s the takeaway for parents?

"Sports is one of few places in a child's life where a parent can say, 'This is your thing,’ ” Miller says. "Athletics is one of the best ways for young people to take risks and deal with failure because the consequences aren’t fatal, they aren’t permanent. We’re talking about a game. So they usually don’t want or need a parent to rescue them when something goes wrong.

"Once you as a parent are assured the team is a safe environment, release your child to the coach and to the game. That way all successes are theirs, all failures are theirs."

And discussion on the ride home can be about a song on the radio or where to stop for a bite to eat. By the time you pull into the driveway, the relationship ought to have transformed from keenly interested spectator and athlete back to parent and child:

"We loved watching you play. … Now, how about that homework?"

FIVE SIGNS OF A NIGHTMARE SPORTS PARENT
Nearly 75 percent of kids who play organized sports quit by age 13. Some find that their skill level hits a plateau and the game is no longer fun. Others simply discover other interests. But too many promising young athletes turn away from sports because their parents become insufferable.

Even professional athletes can behave inappropriately when it comes to their children. David Beckham was recently ejected from a youth soccer field for questioning an official. New Orleans radio host Bobby Hebert, a former NFL quarterback, publicly dressed down LSU football coach Les Miles after Alabama defeated LSU in the BCS title game last month. Hebert was hardly unbiased: His son had recently lost his starting position at LSU.

Mom or dad, so loving and rational at home, can transform into an ogre at a game. A lot of kids internally reach the conclusion that if they quit the sport, maybe they'll get their dad or mom back.

As a sports parent, this is what you don't want to become. This is what you want to avoid:
• Overemphasizing sports at the expense of sportsmanship: The best athletes keep their emotions in check and perform at an even keel, win or lose. Parents demonstrative in showing displeasure during a contest are sending the wrong message. Encouragement is crucial -- especially when things aren’t going well on the field.

• Having different goals than your child: Brown and Miller suggest jotting down a list of what you want for your child during their sport season. Your son or daughter can do the same. Vastly different lists are a red flag. Kids generally want to have fun, enjoy time with their friends, improve their skills and win. Parents who write down “getting a scholarship” or “making the All-Star team” probably need to adjust their goals. “Athletes say their parents believe their role on the team is larger than what the athlete knows it to be,” Miller says.

• Treating your child differently after a loss than a win: Almost all parents love their children the same regardless of the outcome of a game. Yet often their behavior conveys something else. "Many young athletes indicate that conversations with their parents after a game somehow make them feel as if their value as a person was tied to playing time or winning,” Brown says.

• Undermining the coach: Young athletes need a single instructional voice during games. That voice has to be the coach. Kids who listen to their parents yelling instruction from the stands or even glancing at their parents for approval from the field are distracted and can't perform at a peak level. Second-guessing the coach on the ride home is just as insidious.

• Living your own athletic dream through your child: A sure sign is the parent taking credit when the child has done well. “We worked on that shot for weeks in the driveway,” or “You did it just like I showed you” Another symptom is when the outcome of a game means more to a parent than to the child. If you as a parent are still depressed by a loss when the child is already off playing with friends, remind yourself that it’s not your career and you have zero control over the outcome.

FIVE SIGNS OF AN IDEAL SPORTS PARENT
Let’s hear it for the parents who do it right. In many respects, Brown and Miller say, it’s easier to be an ideal sports parent than a nightmare. “It takes less effort,” Miller says. “Sit back and enjoy.” Here’s what to do:

• Cheer everybody on the team, not just your child: Parents should attend as many games as possible and be supportive, yet allow young athletes to find their own solutions. Don’t feel the need to come to their rescue at every crisis. Continue to make positive comments even when the team is struggling.

• Model appropriate behavior: Contrary to the old saying, children do as you do, not as you say. When a parent projects poise, control and confidence, the young athlete is likely to do the same. And when a parent doesn’t dwell on a tough loss, the young athlete will be enormously appreciative.

• Know what is suitable to discuss with the coach: The mental and physical treatment of your child is absolutely appropriate. So is seeking advice on ways to help your child improve. And if you are concerned about your child’s behavior in the team setting, bring that up with the coach. Taboo topics: Playing time, team strategy, and discussing team members other than your child.

• Know your role: Everyone at a game is either a player, a coach, an official or a spectator. “It’s wise to choose only one of those roles at a time,” Brown says. “Some adults have the false impression that by being in a crowd, they become anonymous. People behaving poorly cannot hide.” Here’s a clue: If your child seems embarrassed by you, clean up your act.

• Be a good listener and a great encourager: When your child is ready to talk about a game or has a question about the sport, be all ears. Then provide answers while being mindful of avoiding becoming a nightmare sports parent. Above all, be positive. Be your child's biggest fan. "Good athletes learn better when they seek their own answers," Brown says.

And, of course, don’t be sparing with those magic words: "I love watching you play."